It was just one of those days,I recieved an email from my ex-wife,she says all I need is "SELF CONFIDENCE",the problem with that is I never had any to begin with,have you ever met anyone over 50 years old that has never even ask a woman on a date?Yep thats me,I've been on dates,I was married for over 20 years,but I never asked,I was afraid the woman would say no so I only went out with the ones that ask me,same way I was married,the depression gets worse everyday,I don't know about anyone else but for me I'm just not sure its worth it anymore,I've gone from being at the top of my trade to disability social security,I have lost everything and now live in a motel room,the worst part is being alone all the time,but I have nothing to offer a woman so I will be alone the rest of my life,hopefully that won't be long,

I just can't seem to control myself,Yahoo keeps putting these stories about "Dubya" online and I just HAVE to comment,last time I was booted for 10 days,this time just 3 days,now I understand for some reason people still believe "bush",I know that because of comments I have posted on another "blog" that I had my email address on and recieved death threats,comments about my mother,and some sugestions of a sexual nature that aren't possible,but the great thing about this country is you are allowed to disagree,"Dubya has tried to take that right away but hasn't yet",this is an illegal war,bush lied to get us into it just to make money for him and his "Gestopo" and most of the major news groups are afraid to say anything against him,and whats with the TWIT saying they should kill a Supreme Court Justice?You know if a Democrat had said that the would never get out of jail,I believe in God,I don't believe in "Dubya" or anyone that does,

My Dad passed away 3 years ago,the day before his birthday,my Mother died in 1992,most of my friends are dead,so the theme for today is "Life Sucks",ever notice how some people seem to be so "lucky in life,how everything comes easy to them" I was one of those people,at least most of my life,I'm paying for it now but it was a hell of a ride,my parents divorced when I was very young,4 or 5,my Mother remarried and the guy hated me so when I was 12 I moved out,got my own apartment,worked nights as a dishwasher for "Kips" in Dallas,I had my motorcycle to get around on,life was simple back then,I was the only kid in Jr High School with a motorcycle so for some reason the girls were always around me,probably because I had a job and my own place,life was fun back then........... I'll continue this later,you know my ex-wife says I just need self confidence,the problem is I don't think I ever had any to begin with,later,peace out,(and my advice for today,never tell a scrink the truth,tell them what they want to hear.)

I always thought I'd die young,but now I'm past 50,disabled with almost all of my friends dead,my parents and grandparents gone,my son is in a wheelchair,my Grandkids are with my Son in Arkansas,I'm trying to survive on disability social security,so I have gone from working as a sheetmetal foreman for over 30 years to nothing,I live in a motel,my Doctor and medication cost over $500 a month,$400 a month for this one little room,so why would God have me live when so many others with much more to live for have died? Just some rambling thoughts from a depressed idiot.