My Dad passed away 3 years ago,the day before his birthday,my Mother died in 1992,most of my friends are dead,so the theme for today is "Life Sucks",ever notice how some people seem to be so "lucky in life,how everything comes easy to them" I was one of those people,at least most of my life,I'm paying for it now but it was a hell of a ride,my parents divorced when I was very young,4 or 5,my Mother remarried and the guy hated me so when I was 12 I moved out,got my own apartment,worked nights as a dishwasher for "Kips" in Dallas,I had my motorcycle to get around on,life was simple back then,I was the only kid in Jr High School with a motorcycle so for some reason the girls were always around me,probably because I had a job and my own place,life was fun back then........... I'll continue this later,you know my ex-wife says I just need self confidence,the problem is I don't think I ever had any to begin with,later,peace out,(and my advice for today,never tell a scrink the truth,tell them what they want to hear.)

I always thought I'd die young,but now I'm past 50,disabled with almost all of my friends dead,my parents and grandparents gone,my son is in a wheelchair,my Grandkids are with my Son in Arkansas,I'm trying to survive on disability social security,so I have gone from working as a sheetmetal foreman for over 30 years to nothing,I live in a motel,my Doctor and medication cost over $500 a month,$400 a month for this one little room,so why would God have me live when so many others with much more to live for have died? Just some rambling thoughts from a depressed idiot.

I haven't posted in awhile,but I really had to do something today so I thought I'd write some on hear(although I don't think anyone reads it)this is just another day alone for me,seems like I've been alone most of my life,well I was married for several years but she had a habit of forgeting where she lived when she had a drink or two,and around any holiday that was almost always,we got a divorce about 12 or 13 years ago and are actually friends now,she just remarried a couple of months ago,my son lives with her,she has family to help take care of him since I'm not able to do it,I can't pick him up to put him in his wheelchair,hell I do good to take care of myself,what I need is to find a roommate,then move into a real house,but with the depression,panic attacks,MS,plus the back surgeries and hernia surgeries I've had,and need to have that probably won't happen either,and I certainly have nothing to offer a woman anymore,so I'll probably spend the rest of my life alone,the Grandkids stop by for about 5 minutes every other month or so,and I see the lady at the bank every month when I deposit my disability check,so yes,my life really SUCKS.

This will be my last post for awhile,see on top of everything else the Lord has decided I should have M.S. as well,so tommorrow I have to go into the hospital to begin treatment,I've known about it for years but it has finally moved into the 3rd and final stage so its 3 shots a week for a year and then we will see what comes next,I hope everyone on the site find exactly what they seek,and thank you for being brave enough to share your lives with the world thru this blog,be good to yourselves,peace out,notagain49

Yesterday was the first time I have actually put in writing what happened to my son,and I put the photo of him in his wheelchair at health South,sorry if I was more eratic than usual,this time 2 years ago I was at the hospital praying my son would live,its been a tough 3 years,9 months before my sons accident I lost my Grandfather and 8 days later my Father died,then my sons accident so my life hasn't been alot of fun for awhile.OK,on the funny side,in my msn group I had someone write and ask me for dating advice!!lol,This is really funny since I haven't been on a date in years.I have been on one date since my divorce 12 years ago,one of those that friends trying to help set up,so I thought it was funny when a member of the group ask me how to ask thos woman out that he liked,how would I know,I have never ask a woman out in my life,I've dated,but it always just seemed to happen,I was always way to shy to ask a woman out.